About two years ago, my dad and I were cleaning out the cabinets and we found some very far gone potatoes. It's not really unusual or anything because we don't eat potatoes much, and they almost always degenerate to some kind of pathetic sludge in the bottom of our cabinet. This time was slightly different though because we found a potato with what looked like someone's genetic finger mutation experiment gone wrong sticking out of it. My father, being a know-it-all, quickly explained to me that this potato was not a diseased freak of nature but that it was actually growing. The potato had managed to perform a miracle of life in our kitchen cabinet. The nasty long albino finger things were actually tendrils of the potato plant, and they were white because the potato had been growing without sun, so no chlorophyll. We then planted it in our backyard, though I doubt we'll ever harvest anything from it, because we mostly don't eat potatoes.
So that's nice and all, but how did it grow?
Potatoes are plants. Plants need sun, water, and soil (I learned that
from The Magic Schoolbus). This potato had nothing except his rotting
brethren, which I suppose could count as the soil in this case.
What the fuck? How'd it do that? I don't know. I do know that this makes me
think of roaches. If you cut off a roach's head it will supposedly
live for another two weeks. Roaches can supposedly live through a
nuclear explosion. Perhaps potatoes are the same way. They do have a lot
in common. Roaches and potatoes are both brown, they live in our
kitchens, they are extremely virulent and prosperous in Mississippi, and
sometimes you will find one godforsaken individual of either a roach or
a potato that is albino. That shit's gross, man. If you ever see an
albino roach, your faith will be rocked and just for a little while, you
will think there is no God, no one would voluntarily make that thing.
The only striking difference between roaches and potatoes is that
potatoes can't move. If they could, though, you can bet we would have
invented a potato-swatter to control THE SCOURGE.